“Raising Boys” a poem by Roberta I. Teague

I found a wonderful poem today while browsing online, and I wanted to share it:

“I scrub the wall of fingerprints,

Pick up mounds of clothes.

I sweep the dirt that shoes track in -

Wish I could use a hose!

Meals are served from dawn to dark,

Dirty dishes crowd the sink.

Just when they’re washed and put away -

Everyone wants a drink!

The washer pulls the dirty grime

From pants worn thin and patched.

They look so very neat and clean -

Yuck, look what the pockets hatched!

Broken bones and bloody knees,

I should have been a nurse.

I take it all in shaky stride -

Just grateful it’s not worse!

Screams and shouts and arguments

Test the keeping of my cool.

They left the neighbor’s faucet on -

See their new front yard pool!

A soothing bath is ecstasy,

A reward at the end of my rope.

Raising boys isn’t really bad -

But first I must wash the soap!

A rose can say I Love You,

Orchids can enthrall;

But a weed bouquet in a chubby fist -

Oh my, that says it all!”

http://www.momsofboys.org/modules/info/quotes_about_boys.html

Expect then Unexpected

If there is one piece of parenting advice that I can give – it is to expect the unexpected.  You are never as prepared as you think you are – in a good way, or in a bad way – for what life will throw at you.

My example this week was a trip to the International Wildlife Museum.  I thought it would be great fun to take the boys out there (which is quite a drive for us, since we live East of Houghton) and let them hunt around.  They love hunting for things, which is part of what makes trips to the hunting/fishing stores such good fun, but we don’t make it out to IWM very often.  Well, I got us ready to go on Monday; small water bottles packed – we were going to be inside after all, and I was looking pretty cute.  On the way out to the Museum the boys were watching a movie on the DVD player and I was having a very interesting conversation with my mother.  So interesting that I missed the turn-off for the museum.  Well, there is really nowhere to turn around until you are through Gate’s Pass, so we pulled in the first scenic overlook there on just on the other side.  It was then I decided to change our plans.  We were so much closer to the Arizona Sonora Desert Museum, and we have a membership, and it was a nice, overcast day.  I convinced the boys that we should do the ASDM instead, and we would do the IWM on a day that would be hotter.  Miraculously everyone was OK with this idea.  So, we continued the drive and found a great parking space at the ASDM. 

Because we live in the desert, we had our bucket hats and sunscreen with us in the car and we headed off.  When we got to the entrance, we discovered our membership had lapsed – no big deal, we renewed our family membership and headed in.  We love the ASDM and do go there a few times a year.  But we’ve never been at 10 AM in July, and there is a reason for that.  The heat moved in as the clouds rolled out.  The boys had a wonderful time, but it really was more of a struggle for me.  I was hot, sticky, tired, thirsty (since we didn’t pack enough water, I gave mine to the kids and refilled my bottle at the fountains as needed, but I was very thirsty!) and grumpy.

Later that evening, I was thinking back on my day and how disappointed I was with my reaction to the circumstances.  The kids look back and think “Mom took us to the Desert Museum, and it was awesome!” but I have been looking back on it and thinking “I really could have handled that with more grace.”  My main problem?  I didn’t follow my own advice.  I let the change-up in our plans throw me and instead of adapting and rolling with the punches, I grumbled my way through some beautiful desert and amazing animals.  But you can’t dwell on the past too much.  Accept it, acknowledge your shortcomings, and move on, determined to try harder the next time around.  Today is our trip to the International Wildlife Museum. 

Today I won’t miss the turnoff, and I will make sure that I try to center my focus on spending time and having fun with my kids – no matter where we end up!

Pack Rats

Arizona has some pretty fascinating wildlife.  We’ve seen bobcats, coyotes, roadrunners, javelinas and hawks all from our back porch.  Some of the wildlife is amazing, like mountain lions.  Some of it is scary – like rattlesnakes or scorpions.  Some is just disgusting.  Pack rats are, in my opinion, disgusting.  Let me explain.  Every morning around 7:30 I send my boys outside to play before it gets too hot.  They jump on the trampoline, throw a ball for the dog, or just run around out there and get their wiggles out.  I take advantage of this time to do things like, load the dishwasher or the washing machine, or more often than not I am having a cup of tea and thinking about grocery lists and appointments.  One morning last week, they came in after just a few minutes telling me “Mom, it stinks out there!  I don’t want to play outside anymore!”  Being the sympathetic and believing mother that I am, I just pointed out the door and sent them back out.  They didn’t stay out – they came right back in!  This time, I thought I would investigate.  They were right – it reeked out there!  I spent an hour outside trying to locate the source of this mysterious stench.  We had just been fishing that weekend, maybe it was the trash cans.  So, I pulled those over and hosed them out and sprayed them down with cleanser.  I cleaned out the tackle box.  I scrubbed the cooler.  Finally I admitted defeat – something must have died behind our wall or something, whatever it was, it was nasty.  As I was headed back inside with the boys, I noticed the smell got worse near the dog house.  What on earth did she do now?  I leaned down and yes, the smell was very definitely coming from her house.  Maybe something died IN there?  Okay, everyone inside.  Dad will take care of this when he gets home.  Well, when he got home I went to show him the smell and we realized that it wasn’t coming from IN the dog house but outside of it.  Upon closer inspection – we had a pack rat.  Living in the space between the dog house and the patio door.  We set a humane trap, baited it with peanut butter and left it alone.  Bright and early (by that, I mean 5 am!) my oldest son comes running into our room shouting “Mom!  We caught the pack rat!  Can we keep him?  He’s so cute!”  Upon inspection, he is pretty cute.  Sort of fluffy, with a long tail and a little pink nose.  Upon closer inspection, he chewed through the dog house and stained the concrete where he was using it as his own personal bathroom.  So, cute, but not that cute.  We let the boys get a good long look at it, and then distracted them with some free computer time while Dad did away with our visitor.  The porch has been scrubbed, the dog house disinfected, and the smell is gone from the yard – giving us our playtime back.  All of this upset and chaos caused by one. Little. Pack rat.  See?  Disgusting.

I Have a Plan…

This weekend was a whirlwind of activities for my family – Rose Canyon Lake (our weekly fishing trip), a birthday party, swimming at Grandma’s house, dinner with out-of-town family – and it was all wonderful.  But sometimes all the activities and ‘stuff’ get in the way.  Sometimes it really is best to just slow things down and not have your entire day planned.  Of course that is sometimes easier said than done, especially when you are the parent of a child with Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) or any Autism Spectrum Disorder – you have to have a plan, otherwise your day will most likely fall apart.   But, if you make your desired activities a part of your schedule, the transition should be fairly simple.  My son knows that on Wednesday mornings, we go to story time at the library.  Mondays are slated for the Zoo.  Our days are scheduled like crazy – I even have a spreadsheet that I printed out and posted on the refrigerator to track what we do about every 30 minutes for each day – but if you look, I’ve included things like “Boys play in their rooms -  mom has a break”, or “coloring”, “reading”, “puzzles”.  But, because we have gone through the effort to make things stable and predictable for our kids – things go a bit smoother when something else comes up.   It doesn’t have to be an extravagant plan to help you make it through the day – but trust me, it helps to have a plan!

Gone Fishin’

One of the wonderful things about living in Tucson is that it really is just a stone’s throw away from all sorts of wonderful, and sometimes hidden, gems.  One of these that we were able to enjoy this weekend was a trip to Rose Canyon Lake on Mt. Lemmon.  If you have not been here – ever or even just lately – you must go!  It was beautiful – 70 degrees, a nice breeze, and all the family-friendly times you could want.   We got up early and packed the kids in the car around 5:00 and once we got the gear and took the short walk to the lake it was about 6:00.  The boys enjoyed baiting and casting, and we did not so much enjoy the nearly constant requests to change bait, but we loved being out with our kids.  I have to toot my own horn a bit and say that I caught three of the four trout we brought home, too!  My oldest son caught the first fish of the season and of the day – and I also get to brag on him because he didn’t even use a hook or bait!  There was a fish stranded in the shallow sand-bar area and he used a small branch to land it.  He was very proud!  The boys bounced back-and-forth between climbing the hill behind us, playing in the sand, and fishing all morning.  We encountered many friendly ‘neighbors’ who were more than happy to tell you exactly where the fish were biting, and what they were having the most luck with as bait.  It was just an all-around pleasant experience, and we will be going regularly from now on.  Remember, if you do go please have a valid fishing license (none needed for kids 14 and under); daily limit is six per licensed adult, three fish per unlicensed youth (we obviously fell far short of that, but could have made it out of there with 18 fish!); you will need the Coronado Forest pass and it is $8 for entrance into Rose Canyon.  You don’t need fancy equipment at all – which we learned only AFTER purchasing all the lures and tackle – there were several “old timers” who were having great luck with just a hook and either meal worms or power bait, but please bring plenty of water, snacks if you need them, sunscreen, bug spray, and your CAMERA.  You will treasure images like the one I have of my kids holding up our string of fish!  Enjoy!

Sensory Movie On Saturday, June 16th

I have to take a moment to spotlight a company that is going the extra mile to accommodate kids with Sensory issues.  My youngest son has Sensory Processing Disorder and is being evaluated to confirm an Asperger's diagnosis.  One of the things that upset me the most about this is that it is going to make life so much more difficult for him than it will be already.  I worry that he is going to miss out on things that the other kids are doing because they will scare him, or it will be too much for him to handle.  That’s why I have to really applaud AMC Theatres for initiating a monthly “Sensory Friendly Films” program.  In a quote found on www.autism-society.org AMC states that “In order to provide a more accepting and comfortable setting for this unique audience, the movie auditoriums will have their lights brought up and the sound turned down, families will be able to bring in their own gluten-free, casein-free snacks, and no previews or advertisements will be shown before the movie.  Additionally, audience members are welcome to get up and dance, walk, shout or sing” (read the full article at http://www.autism-society.org/get-involved/events/sensory-friendly-films/)  I am thrilled to see more businesses making strides to include our kids in activities that their peers are participating in.  If you are able to, please try to make it to the 10 am (local time, nationwide) showing of Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted at your local AMC Theatre.  The more awareness to these programs that we can bring, the more programs will be available to benefit our kiddos.  Enjoy the movie!!

A Day at the Zoo

Ever have one of those days that doesn’t exactly turn out the way you had planned?  We were going to have a nice, relaxing morning followed by a trip to the library and then a leisurely day of arts and crafts at home.  That was the plan as of 7 am today.  At about 7:05, I got a text from a dear friend of mine inviting us to the Zoo with her, and I thought “yeah, that’ll be fun.”  Here’s the catch – she was going to be there when it opened at 8 (Thank you, Reid Park Zoo, for summer hours!)  Well, it takes about 20 minutes to get there from my house.  So, our leisurely morning turned into a frantic dash – scarf down some cereal for breakfast; everyone get your swim clothes on; pack dry clothes for afterward; sunscreen, water bottles – whoops! those were dirty; wash water bottles; throw kids in the car; drive to the Zoo.  We did get there on time, and everyone had a blast playing in the ‘Kenya Get Wet’ exhibit.  It was totally worth all of the chaos this morning in order to get there.  We love the Zoo and we are frequent visitors (probably at least once or twice a month, but usually weekly).  It is such a wonderful, local resource  - gets the kids out of the house, educational, entertaining, and you can always plan on something interesting to see.  Since we go so frequently, we do try and mix things up a bit though – sometimes I’ll pack a picnic lunch and after going through the Zoo we’ll have lunch in the park; sometimes we do the Zoo backwards (a big deal, and very stressful for my youngest son who has a Sensory Disorder and is on the Autism Spectrum – but sometimes it is a necessary evil); or I will ask the kids to find out what kinds of food each of the animals eats to see if we eat the same things.  Whatever you can do to enjoy some quality time with your kids, I wholeheartedly encourage you to do it!