When reviewing my calendar for tomorrow I read the words "school shopping". I had to read it a few times before it sank in that I was going school shopping for BOTH of my kids! DS1 is starting kindergarten in less than 2 weeks, and one day later, DS2 goes off to his first day of preschool! What happened?! Where has the time gone? Wasn't it just yesterday that I was pregnant and chasing around my (at that time) only son? I very clearly remember buying their first pair of real shoes - not the cloth baby shoes, but REAL shoes! And what about their first shorts without snaps down the legs? How is it time for me to be picking out lunch boxes and backpacks, when it feels like I should still be packing baby food and bottles? Now I'm getting ready to buy new shoes, jackets, jeans, backpacks, lunch boxes, take kids to get haircuts and end of the summer pictures done!
I'm so anxious - and try as I may to convince myself that it is good stress, I'm only kidding myself. I am full of anxiety over the past 5 years - was I a good enough mother? Did I treasure all the moments that I could? Did I show my sons that I love them at every point I could? Did I make sure that I put them ahead of myself? The honest answer is no, I didn't. I have a short temper, I enjoy relaxing and not being on the go at all times. I'm a bit of a homebody, and I don't really enjoy being out all the time running from one thing to another. I don't like to play rough, or crash cars, or chase people with swords. But you know what? That's OK. I'm not supposed to be a perfect mother - I'm supposed to try my hardest. Yes, my boys know that I love them. I've made a safe, comfortable, loving home for them where they are a valued part of the family. We have fun, we relax, sometimes we're bored, but we love each other. I have started them on their path to knowing the Lord, and they love Him with all their little hearts.
Now I'm worried about this new stage in our lives - will we have time to spend as a family? Will we be too busy with school now? What kind of influence will public school have on their lives? But you know what? God has answered these questions for me. Quick, flip to Matthew 6:34. I'll wait.
Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Matthew 6:34
Isn't He amazing? The very things I am thinking, and God has a response for it. While I'm stressing over the coming years, God tells me that He's got it under control, and that I have enough to deal with for today. So friends, enjoy today: even the difficult things like cranky babies or hectic schedules. Don't obsess over what is coming up, you have enough on your plate today. God can handle what you've got going on today, AND what is coming around the bend, we just have to remember to take it to Him first. Lean on Him, and He can help you with everything. For now, I'll rely on Him to get me through the emotional roller coaster of the next few weeks. I'm looking forward to starting a new chapter in my life, I'll miss the old one, but I'm glad to see what is coming around the bend.
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