I'll admit it. I have a temper. And not just a little one. I have a serious temper. And yesterday, I lost it. We're going through a bit of a rough time right now, my husband is waiting to hear if he's been accepted into the Border Patrol, which we are excited about - all except for the 5 months that he'll be off at the academy. I am finishing up this semester and getting ready to start my last semester in school (I'm on the 8 year Associate's plan, yikes!). Our oldest son will start kindergarten and the youngest will start preschool. So many changes coming up, and the uncertainty of DH's job has us on edge.
I've been trying to alleviate the stress for the boys and I by filling our summer up with as much fun as we can pack into it. On Friday, we were in our swim suits, headed out the door to go swim with a friend when the phone rang. Another thing you should know about me is that I don't really answer the phone. I'm a little conversationally-OCD and there are times, like when my stress level is high, that I don't really want to answer the phone if I don't know why a person is calling. So I'm having this little mini-debate in my head as the kids are waiting patiently to get in the van. Do I answer? Let it go to voice mail and then call them back when I know what they want? Catch it later because we're already 15 minutes late? Finally, in a move completely out of character, I picked up. Without even checking the caller ID. It was my father-in-law calling to tell me that DH's grandmother had passed away in her sleep during the night. The emotional roller coaster we've been on over the past 5 days has been intense.
My DH is a quiet type, and I'm quite vocal, so our grieving process is different. The boys are handling things just fine, because as Gabriel summed it up "I'm sad because I miss Granny. But Granny is in Heaven now with God, and I'll see her again when it's my turn to go to Heaven, so I'm happy." Well, last night we were over having dinner with the family and going through all of Granny's things and emotions were pretty raw. DH and I didn't recognize the signals early enough to be able to call it quits before we got to the point where enough was enough. He shouted. I shouted, threw the kids in the car and sped off for home. Not my finest hour. I've been struggling ever since then with what happened. The worldly part of me saying "Who does he think he is to shout at me like that?" and conflicting with the Christian and loving part of me saying "He's grieving. I'm grieving. It was 9 pm, and everyone was exhausted. Let it go."
Dutifully sitting down this morning to my quiet time, I was expectantly praying for one of those verses on righteous anger. Or to read a story about how God was going to smite all the pig-headed, irritating, men who wouldn't communicate with their wives. I'm sure there's a story about that in there somewhere! The verses I got?
The righteous shall flourish like the palm tree; they shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon. Psalm 92:12.
Blessed is the an who is patient under trial, and stands up under temptation, for when he has stood the test and been approved, he will receive the victor's crown of life which God has promised to those who love Him. James 1:12
The lesson? Don't get upset if someone is being less than wonderful to you today. Let it go if you don't get your way. Stay uncompromisingly stable. If you're set for an upset - stand firm! Just think in your head: "This is a test. This is only a test."
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